After exams, and before results

We were supposed to get back results for our final assignment today. But as usual, it has been pushed back to Thursday, when we're supposed to find out if we passed the year or not. I hate offices, I am under the firm belief they want to cause heart failure in 250 medical students waiting in front of their computers desperately hoping to have passed. Or maybe it's just me.

I would be the first to admit I slacked this year. I must first justify something. The material isn't hard when you're learning it in lectures, but when you're sitting with all your notes, a month to finals, you realize: F@#$, should have kept it up through the year. Which other degree program expects you to learn over 2 feet of notes for a single 3 hour exam? Then reading your notes, you think, this isn't too hard, I understand this. But the key here is do you remember all the tiny, inconsequential details they seem to love asking on exams? They don't ask you what is the importance of this pathway in the body, they as, what molecule does this molecule affect?

I should have studied more. Now I'm under the constant fear that I didn't pass those exams. Then I'll have to fly back in the summer and resit. There goes my entire summer. Guess I can only wait until Thursday. In the mean while, I'll pass time by reading other medics/past medics' blogs about their years in med school. Maybe it would motivate me to study more. I can only hope.

Brain Mush

I've come to realize that my brain is not what it used to be, and lets not even talk about my attention span these days. I can't believe I have to focus like this for at least another 4 years. >m< I'm going to go crazy!

Spent roughly 4 hours on wed going through clinical skills with friends and a registrar. It was extremely helpful... but since then, I have not been able to focus on anything!! And only 2 weeks until exams.

I can't believe I just typed there's "ONLY 2 weeks until exams". Usually I'd be thinking "woot, there's still 2 weeks until exam! That's a 1.5 weeks free". But life in med school is not the same as normal uni, I actually don't think I'll finish. >o< What to do?!

Ai. But I keep watching shows because my stupid brain refuses to focus, and I'm looking at random things like Wii fit Plus, which seems amazing and thankfully dad has agreed to buy it this summer. Yay! Because you know, I really really need to lose some weight. Goal? 15 lbs this summer. Yup. that's 1 pound/week. I need to work hard!! I want to be able to wear nice swim suits for once you know.

For now, back to pretending to study, although there's no one to pretend to but my self >.> now that is depressing.

What happens if I fail?!

So. Exams are around the corner, and I'm already stressed about failing. Not about the exams... I think at the rate I'm studying, I'll be fine, but about the very big possibility that I've actually failed already, and they've yet to tell me. I hate how one assignment can decide whether I fail or not. Like how is that fair?? UGH!!



And this totally affects how I book my plane tickets home. I want to go home!! But if by any chance I fail, I'll have to stay behind to talk with tutors, and take extra classes during what they're calling "resit week". So if I book to leave right after the pass lists come out, I'd have to change my flights and pay lots and lots and lots of money to change it. >.> AND! If I fail exams, I'd have to come back in August!!! zomg.. This is so depressing.

I don't think I was as worried before about this assignment as I am now. Hopefully I followed the guidelines correctly... But I recently found out that 3 of my friends failed the last assignment >.> and they're better writers than me, and at the least, actually does things before the last minute... unlike me T_T.... arg... so I'll have to chat with the rents about this posiblity. :S I don't Want to!!! WAHHH!!

On a slightly positive note... and I am unfailingly positive 99% of the time (outside of the occasional rants), I have been studying, AND it's still 3 weeks to final time. Like this is a first! (lol... why does it need such long codes to insert one small emoti??) Usually I'm cramming 2 days before an exam.... but I have to this time! There's too much. I think I'm nearing the limits of my brain for memorizing blood vessels, hormones, receptors, muscles, biochemistry, clotting factors, etc, etc, etc. I need another brain!!! lmao. at least I think I enjoy this more than writing essays. Give me 10 exams, and I'd take them over 1 essay.... I think.



Well back to studying (revising as they say) for me!

End of First Year

Hmm. Only one more month and I will have officially finished my first year of medical school. This still feels unreal to me, and I still wonder how I got here some times. Hopefully, I pass without incidence.

So what's happened these months? Not that anyone cares, but that volcano cost me a week of classes!! And many many many hours of my life on the phone, trying to rearrange flights back to school. But as stressful as that process was, I think I was pretty lucky. I mean, I didn't have to pay extra for a new ticket, or for hotel. I got to stay home for an extra week... but it was still STRESSFUL!.. yeah...

As interesting and exciting medical school may appear to others... it's not too different from regular university courses. At least to me. We go to lectures, we go to dissections, clinical skills, labs. It's all very routine. But we also do some tedious paper work, that is supposed to show our progress in Med school. At the end of every year, we are supposed to hand in a summary/ report of what we have learned/gained/experienced in the past year. We're supposed to do this throughout the year. But who actually does that? I'm filling mine out now, one day before my appraisal, and making up experiences and feelings as I go.

Yup. That's how we roll here.

As a side note, I've finally almost finished my first digital picture. And I did it without references! Woot. It's the alice pic up top I guess... and it's a present for a friend. :P Still need some editing though....


X

Three months and counting.

Woot. After three months of medical school, have I gained anything?

The much sought after price for many, I still feel as if I have learned next to nothing. Where has all my drive gone? Almost seems like every effort I put into reaching this point left as soon as the acceptance came through.

Four and a half more years left. So how will I get through all of this? And will I make a good doctor after it all? Will I even qualify as a doctor?

So many questions. Better find my drive asap. Or it will not end well.

Daydream

The interior of the restaurant was dimly lit. But the rich mahogany interior, and luxurious decorations could be made out even in the low light. Looking around self-consiously you look for someone to speak to. Hearing some voices coming from what appears to be the kitchen, you wonder whether you should knock. Or would that be bad form? Suddenly, the kitchen door swings outwards and a six feet plus blond Adonis walks out. You can see the moment when he notices you, standing in the dim foyer. What must you look like to him you wonder. Wild black hair, that refuses to stay put. Black jacket, and messenger bag clutched in your hands.

"Good evening...” he drawls, "or rather, good..."

"afternoon" you finish with him.

"That’s right.,” he says with a flicker of a smile, "what can I do for you?"

"I am just wondering whether you might be hiring at the moment."

"Do you have a resume?"

"Right here" You reach for your bag, and flips through the stack of paper until you get to the right one.

"Or a cover letter would be welcome as well."

"I have it all here."

He flips through your resume. "I will give this to my manager downstairs. What is your name by the way?"

"Angela"

"I'm Taylor"

"Nice to meet you" you smile up at him, and you shake hands. His felt warm and strong, and strangely made you fell like smiling.

You thank him, and you walk out of the restaurant into the sun with a smile on your face, and daydreaming about the nice boy you just met.

7:00 pm, your phone rings and you answer.

"Hello?"

"Hi! This is Taylor..."

Fish... lots of Fish. :P

Summer! Cannot believe it has been 3 weeks since the end of 2nd year already. It as been such a fun year. Now that it's over, I feel a little sad... next year I will be in a different university, in a different country, studying a different subject. I guess it is always very sad when we have to say goodbye to the people we care about the most.

On to less depressing topics. I have been going fishing with my dad a lot these days. I think he's slightly jealous that I usually catch bigger fish than him. :P It is actually pretty fun... unless you don't catch any that is.