Life is much easier when you know what you want

I may be stating an obvious fact here, but seriously, I never realized how painful it is to 'keep your options open' until this point. I had to make some tough decisions these two weeks. Should spend summer in England or go home. And if I go home, who should I work with? My friends always tell me 'at least you have choices'. But they don't know that for someone who don't have especially strong feelings for anything, and enjoys everything, decisions are the ultimate torture. At least if I was passionate about something, I would throw myself into it like some of my friends. But no, I don't really have a passion for anything. At least not yet. There lies the problem.

If I was a successful blogger, I may go into how one should make tough decisions. However, I am not, nor do I aspire to be one, therefore I probably shouldn't share how I make my decisions. Well maybe I will. I skype my parents, and discuss with them. Which almost invariably ends up with me following their advice. Really, I often question how I ever got into medschool. Hopefully in the next 3 years, I can grow up more and learn how to make decisions. Which really goes to show, medicine is such a game of chance. If you got lucky and impressed some interviewers, you're in. And in a few years, they expect you to make life or death decisions. So if anyone is still reading, I guess the gist of this post is my questioning whether I will even be a good doctor when I can't even decide for myself what I should do this summer.

I want to apologize to all my possible future patients and advance. I'm working on it!

Yesterday, we received the marks for one of our two big assignments this year. This one is similar to another large report we wrote in our first year. They even have very similar marking schemes. You would think that since it's the practically the same assignment with a different focus, I would do well on it. That did not happen. Which goes to show another super subjective aspect of medicine. A part of the report that I got high marks for last year was criticized to bits this year by one of my markers. I really won't go into depth of all the strange remarks I got. Perhaps I am freaking out a bit. I mean, at least I passed. Now all I have to do is pass my OSCE and final, and I will passed the year. Woot.

One step at a time.