38 hours until death

So I am very tired right now and stressed, and this will unlikely to make much sense. But for those pre-meds who are looking at medicine, be forewarned, prepare your self for the grind of it all. I had imagined medicine to be a glamorous thing, where I'd be in charge and sailing. Little did I realize how big of a hole I've dug for myself. After 2 weeks of intense cramming and more study before this, I still feel so unprepared for my finals this year. This does not bode well for my future as a doctor.

It has also made me wonder how I can ever be in charge of the well being of others when I can't even get my antibiotic classes straight at this time. Let alone the cancer drugs, and the anti-virals. Oh and don't forget the anti-psychotic drugs (my favourite....). Anyways, a little rant before I put in many more hours of cramming. This time, I really will do it differently next year.... I must think of the patients....

Miffed

I don't even know if I spelled that right. But I am miffed. Miffed that my flatmate is doing more work than me. Miffed that I seem to be so un-proactive. Miffed that I haven't been more proactive. Miffed that I was bumped out of a position on a committee because someone else gave a much longer speech. Miffed.

But then I think, I have done things that are well, I haven't completely slacked off and done nothing. Kind of... [cough cough] I just need a bit better time management skills. Like right now, how I'm writing on here when I should be revising for finals.

I can't believe I've actually started using so many British terms lately. No! Where is my Canuck pride? Must stop saying revision. But for a Canadian away from home, it's hard to stay the same when no one understands you when you use the term 'washroom'. Be warned! For all you Canadians looking to come over to UK, learn your terms! Because I sure didn't.

I might not dedicate this site to my experiences in UK, so that any Canadian/North American students out there looking to come study here can see how life is across the pond. I guess I can also document how my progress is going, how I'm preparing for exams (USMLE, Canadian exams, etc) when the time comes. I know there are lots of sites out there, but most seems to be by American students in the Caribbean, so maybe I can fill some void some where in between?

Maybe the blog will be less about my rants and more about more important things in life. And maybe my writing will improve along side. I can only hope.

Cheers! (I can't believe I'm even using Cheers now)

Life is much easier when you know what you want

I may be stating an obvious fact here, but seriously, I never realized how painful it is to 'keep your options open' until this point. I had to make some tough decisions these two weeks. Should spend summer in England or go home. And if I go home, who should I work with? My friends always tell me 'at least you have choices'. But they don't know that for someone who don't have especially strong feelings for anything, and enjoys everything, decisions are the ultimate torture. At least if I was passionate about something, I would throw myself into it like some of my friends. But no, I don't really have a passion for anything. At least not yet. There lies the problem.

If I was a successful blogger, I may go into how one should make tough decisions. However, I am not, nor do I aspire to be one, therefore I probably shouldn't share how I make my decisions. Well maybe I will. I skype my parents, and discuss with them. Which almost invariably ends up with me following their advice. Really, I often question how I ever got into medschool. Hopefully in the next 3 years, I can grow up more and learn how to make decisions. Which really goes to show, medicine is such a game of chance. If you got lucky and impressed some interviewers, you're in. And in a few years, they expect you to make life or death decisions. So if anyone is still reading, I guess the gist of this post is my questioning whether I will even be a good doctor when I can't even decide for myself what I should do this summer.

I want to apologize to all my possible future patients and advance. I'm working on it!

Yesterday, we received the marks for one of our two big assignments this year. This one is similar to another large report we wrote in our first year. They even have very similar marking schemes. You would think that since it's the practically the same assignment with a different focus, I would do well on it. That did not happen. Which goes to show another super subjective aspect of medicine. A part of the report that I got high marks for last year was criticized to bits this year by one of my markers. I really won't go into depth of all the strange remarks I got. Perhaps I am freaking out a bit. I mean, at least I passed. Now all I have to do is pass my OSCE and final, and I will passed the year. Woot.

One step at a time.