The Immune system is our mafia family

I was watching the Kaplan videos on the immune system to study, because our lecturers at the medical school are absolutely useless in this subject (and quite a few others, but I won't go on). I vaguely remember the lectures as being right over my head, and the power point to be mind boggling confusing. This caused me to hide from even touching the notes for well over a month. Which is nothing new, except in this case, I might as well not have gone to the lectures.

So I gave up even trying to recap the university lectures and has gone straight on to Kaplan. I think some reviews about Kaplan are not that great, but this lady (I forget her name) is actually making me want to learn about the immune system like I actually care. I like how she says the immune system totally makes sense if you imagine it as your mafia family. It's aim is to kill foreign things that piss off the family (host). It is executed to precision, i.e. it only works when it has too, and turns off when it's not needed. And damn can it hold a grudge.

So that's my poor attempt at a blog not on ranting for once. Hopefully my writing improves overtime. Having a doctor that's awful at writing scares even myself sometimes.

Digging my own grave

So many things in my life could probably have occurred differently if I haven’t dug my own grave with my bad habits. When most people think of medical students, they probably think self assured, proactive, brilliant. Somehow, I don’t think I fit any of those descriptions.

I’m never sure of my actions, my work, my performance. I frequently want to (and do) avoid things I’m not sure about. Which adds up to a lot of things. And I am definitely not brilliant. But I think the avoidance factor probably costs me the most. As far as opportunities go. Today I was emailing professors back home to see if I can get a summer position. As was my story for the past 3 summers, I’ve started too late. I’ve been putting this off because of uncertainty, and now, it’s probably too late.

Do I really never learn? When will I figure out that avoiding things doesn’t make things better, and just digs a deep deep grave for my self. And possibly my future.

Recently I’ve met so many truly inspired medical students who go out of their way to get things done, to help out, to seize opportunities, and enjoy working hard. It’s made me reflect a lot these days, and the changes I want to make in my life.

New Year! 2011 Here we are

New years day and I can't help but feel slightly depressed. What have I done this past year? Not much really. Maybe 2011 will be my year to gain some maturity. Some substance maybe? My parents keep telling me I need to be quicker. As in speaking wise, thinking wise. But what if it's something I can't change. Maybe I just speak slower than other people and have more trouble articulating myself. Maybe if I read enough, watch enough news, practice enough, I can be what they expect.

What will 2011 be like I wonder. Will I meet a special someone, or get better grades, or start working hard? Maybe I just need more focus. Yes, that's it, focus.

Happy day!

Strange how a good mark can just lift your spirts up. Well mine at least. Unexpectadely good mark on an assignment proposal, so yay! And even better, free money?! Now all I have to figure out is how much they're giving me. Please please please.

MMM Just over a month from exams. When did I become so stressed about exams/marks? Never used to worry before, as I didn't really need to. Now, at the first mention of assessment my viscerals freez and shake.

But today, it's all about happiness... as attested to by the pink girly text.

Snow!

I thought I wouldn't have to deal with the fluffy white stuff while at school... I mean they don't even have snow plows here. But instead.... there is over a feet of it outside, and getting thicker by the day with no end in sight.

With over a thousands schools closed across the country... why is the uni still open?! Close already, we really really need the days off.

2nd year

Mmm often I wish I had a way with words. You know the people who can talk circles around others and still be personable. Or those people who can write lyrical poems, sentences, stories that touch hearts. Instead, I am to the point, and can only write essays. Oh and I can't spell to save my life. Thank god for spell check.

I also feel as if I have a very limited attention span. Compare the length of time I sit down and study and the times of my flatmates and there is an obvious deficit on my part. Does that even make sense? Obviously, exam periods non withstanding. Those seems like the only times where I can sit for 12+hours for days on end, cramming information into my brain like a pit-less hole. This is good that I generally pass my exams, but terrible in that I don't remember any of it 2-3 days afterward. One wonders how I got here in the first place...

After exams, and before results

We were supposed to get back results for our final assignment today. But as usual, it has been pushed back to Thursday, when we're supposed to find out if we passed the year or not. I hate offices, I am under the firm belief they want to cause heart failure in 250 medical students waiting in front of their computers desperately hoping to have passed. Or maybe it's just me.

I would be the first to admit I slacked this year. I must first justify something. The material isn't hard when you're learning it in lectures, but when you're sitting with all your notes, a month to finals, you realize: F@#$, should have kept it up through the year. Which other degree program expects you to learn over 2 feet of notes for a single 3 hour exam? Then reading your notes, you think, this isn't too hard, I understand this. But the key here is do you remember all the tiny, inconsequential details they seem to love asking on exams? They don't ask you what is the importance of this pathway in the body, they as, what molecule does this molecule affect?

I should have studied more. Now I'm under the constant fear that I didn't pass those exams. Then I'll have to fly back in the summer and resit. There goes my entire summer. Guess I can only wait until Thursday. In the mean while, I'll pass time by reading other medics/past medics' blogs about their years in med school. Maybe it would motivate me to study more. I can only hope.