Work work work work

Summer should be a time of relaxation, recuperation (from months in doors, stuffing entire text-books into our brains), and sleep. Blessed, peaceful sleep. Unfortunately, as an IMG, I don't have the option to do these activities that most of my course mates are likely enjoying. I guess I didn't think about the consequence of everything when I decided to attend an overseas Medical school. Who really does? When the adrenaline is high, and the sense of achievement unbelievable. Then after thorough look at forums, and speaking to other students, one realizes: the real work is just beginning.

I do have it much better than many, and I need to keep reminding myself of this. Many bright people worked like mad throughout undergraduate degrees, perhaps do not receive a position in Medical school for whatever reason, and has to work all the harder for the next few years to try their luck again. I am therefore lucky. Just 3 more years, and hopefully it will work out.

It is a bit funny how Medical education seems to be mostly some type of lucky draw. They say for every position in medical schools in Canada, there are 4 equally qualified applicants. So what determines who wins the draw? Many of my friends at home has been successful on their first application. I am envious of them, that their lives seems to be going so smoothly, while I have to fight for a way back home. But I am starting to see the errors of my thinking. They have already fought their battle and won, in a system where much is dependent on luck. Compared to them, I don't think I would have made it in the Canadian system. I am lucky to have a place in a program that has helped me address many of my weaknesses, and offers me an opportunity to learn. Now it is time for me to fight. And work.

Worst exams ever. that is all.

It's been two days from my exams, and I am still recovering from the shock of it all. I had a long cry over skype with my mother about how badly I'm sure I did, even after spending over a month revising. You'd think that if I could get 90's after reading notes once before Medical school, I shouldn't be suffering so much. At this rate, even if I somehow passed, it wouldn't be by very much. I mean the first time I went through the papers, I could only answer 30-50% of the questions. How ridiculous is that?

I've been thinking about my mistakes, and have been talking with other doctors and students about how they manage to remember so much information and details, and I realized some flaws in my studying:

1) I don't actually know how to learn knowledge.

I mean, I got good grade before, but other than math and physics, I usually only studied for a day or two before my exams. High school was ridiculous where I would not even remember we had tests/quizzes and would actually study frantically in the hallway just before class and still give 90+. Those days are obviously over, and I realized that, so I put in the work this time around. But not really knowing how to study so everything goes into my long-term memory, I freaked out, and just tried to read through my notes over and over (3 times to be exact). But in that process, I didn't really commit too much to my memory. I didn't review what I learned on previous days to make sure I still remembered them, I didn't try to commit things like what cytokines and cell cycle molecules and muscles and nerves and blood vessels to memory until a few days before the exam. And then it was too little too late because in medicine, there is just way to much information. My notes for this semester alone was 5 inches thick, plus 3 inches from last semester.

2) I panicked in the exam

I saw the first question and my mind shut down. This caused me to think I didn't know anything, and even to misread a few questions. Also, I was so shocked from my first exam, I didn't know what to do for my second. I reasoned I could rely on some maths to get me past, except this year, they made an exception and took out all the life saving math questions. Just my bloody luck. But panicking and thinking I couldn't do it was the most detrimental thing in this I believe.

3) I am useless at organizing time and sticking to it.

Don't get me wrong. I did make a study schedule. But did I follow it? NO. Why? Because I scheduled too much in for each day and couldn't get through everything that I needed to in the time I gave myself. Which lead to tons and tons of stress in the week before the exam where I think I didn't even learn anything.

4) I've never studied over long periods of time before because there was never any need, so I couldn't figure out how to revise everything the last day.

I mean previously when courses were broken down, I could make sure I refreshed everything in my brain just before the exams. Or I'd read, go to sleep and regurgitate everything the next day without fail.

But it was impossible to finish going though my notes at a reasonable speed even over 2-3 days, so I wasn't sure how to deal with it all I guess.

If I fail this, I won't be able to do my summer job anymore. And I'd have to revise 10x harder because the resits are 50/50 from semester one and two. I really don't know what I'm going to do. But can't do anything until next week....and for now, lesson definitely learned. I'm trying to search up how I can change my learning methods to be more effective. Basically, more discipline, and more revision after trying to memorize something, and not just leave it and think I've remembered it.